Power Of Action

it's been like awhile since I sat down to write blogs,  I read about that I will have some mercury retrograde in 11.2025 and it did happened. It's hard to tell what went wrong bc everything went wrong in this very moment and it felt kinda ridiculous of how things just all went wrong at the exact  same time. ( I am not gonna elaborate.) not  here to dump my traumas. But I did learnt a lot about the power of action/reframing and not being an avoidant person. 

like you gotta face the whole situation and whole world with you and with no hesitation. whenever there's a hard task, or I am going through a hard time. I chose to withdraw, and get overwhelmed and started dissociate or getting addictive to things like phones, internet, buying things, alcohol, food etc. it's coping mechanism. It helps you feel better in the moment, but as long as the issue is still there, you will keep avoiding it until one day  u can't anymore. looking at reels doesn't distract u from stress, drinking doesn't help anymore etc. And the past few years,  the thought of death kept spinning around me. I think whenever I encountered tough times and hard situation the first thing I thought abt is ok I should kms. To some extent that was my way of avoiding the problems of seeing myself as who I am, and potentially putting the time to change what I don't like abt my life or me.  ( and there's always a choice, a better choice than suicide) 

I couldn't really do this back then, bc I was srsly mentally illed and had 3 therapists to help me every week while doing a very intense master degree. I remembered most of the session were exactly the same, was me wanting  die and they trying to reframe my frustration. Tell me, not go the conclusion of I want to die first, instead list out what happened and why and take a logical analysis of what are these feelings? I am only responsible for my own feelings not others. you need be very logical abt the analysis and not jump into the conclusion. (cuz for someone who struggle  depression, things  looks like: I felt tired I can't study today my teacher will be upset at me think I am not working hard  enough - will speed up to I am useless piece of shit I should kms) This is a real emotions,  in these moment and they are very intense. ( try grounding excercises ) if ur experiencing it,  But after reframing it, you will see what are my problems what are others problems. and now you have to do the math, asking what are the things I can do and what  are the things I can't. make a list focus on the things u can do. Reframe your negative thoughts into positive language, ( Instead of saying I suck I need to practice, why don't we say oh I am not good at this yet, but I am willing to put in more time to get better etc.) 

AND I KNOW IT'S  HARD  TO FACE IT. 

It's probably the worst feeling when u sat down and have to face the fear face the reality but then it's so much better than avoiding it, (suicide thoughts is basically avoiding too, ur brain try to save u by avoiding reality)  Being Avoidant doesn't help anything or anyone at the end of the day.  

another thing to mention is to have, schedule. Schedule time for self care as well. Grounding, breathing, eating walking etc. Schedule time for daily work that u need to be done, and write your goals outs, clean your room.  

* If ur having a bad day, I think it's important to shut down the "emotional brain" a bit and just having these plans in hand and DO IT. 

wake up, get dress, make ur bed go to work, practice, self care, eat, sleep. Check the box, and u will be fine. 

Hope everyone who read this is doing ok and if do felt extremely struggling, find professional help. don't give up! I will  share more resources in future and tips for getting better from mental health struggles and meditation etc.

Yifei